The Metaphysical Site

Near to Tiger Woods

Eldrick T. Woods is one of us. Tiger is just like you and me. He occasionally throws a club when he hits a bad shot and he uses a port-o-potty when there is no other option.

If not for the 14 victories in majors, the hundreds of millions of dollars in winnings and endorsements, and his standing as the most famous athlete on the planet, Tiger would be just another guy hacking his way around TPC Boston in this weekend’s Deutsche Bank Championship. He shot a 1-under 70 yesterday and is seven strokes off the lead.

But you’re still wondering about the trip to the port-o-potty, right?

It’s true.

I saw it with my own eyes.

Tiger had just hit his tee shot on the par-4 ninth, his final hole. While Steve Stricker and Heath Slocum prepared to hit their drives, Tiger walked to his left toward one of those smelly-but-necessary units that are part of outdoor events around the world. A police officer stood guard while Tiger opened the plastic door, went inside, closed the door, and did his business.

This is standard stuff, of course. The pros are out there for five hours, hydrating along the way, and they’re not always handy to the clubhouse or a private hospitality tent.

Still, it’s different when it’s Tiger.

"Sometimes people applaud him when he comes out,’’ said the Globe’s crack golf scribe, Michael Whitmer.

Hmmm. That’s a little weird. Sort of like the way you treat a 3-year-old in training.

Way to use the potty, like a big boy!

Thank goodness the Tour provides players with units inside the ropes. Better chance for privacy. Less chance of overflow.

Call me naive, but I just figured Prince Tiger Woods would have beautiful girls throwing rose petals in his path, and a private bathroom with gold fixtures near his person at all times. I don’t think any Pope John ever used a portable john. Why Tiger?

He is, after all, the richest and most decorated athlete in the world. His presence is what brings casual sports fans to golf. It is Tiger who produces the television ratings and the big purses. Every golfer on Tour should send Tiger a royalty check at the end of the season - fund a private bathroom-on-wheels.

Happily for golf fans of New England, this is Tiger’s tourney. He won it in 2006 and tied for second in 2004 and 2007. Last year he was on the shelf after knee surgery, but he has had a partnership with the Deutsche Bank Championship since the tourney’s inception, with event funds directed to the Tiger Woods Foundation.

 "I’ve always liked this area,’’ Tiger said Thursday. “I’ve played well here, and the people are thoroughly enthusiastic about the sport.’’

There was plenty of enthusiasm everywhere he went yesterday, but his shot-making was not up to Tiger standards.

 "I really didn’t do much of anything positively today,’’ he said. “I didn’t feel good over any shot today and didn’t drive it very good, hit my irons worse, and didn’t make any putts. Other than that it was a good day.

 "Most of the putts I hit today, if anything they were lacking pace. They were kind of rolling by about 6 inches past the hole, maybe a foot. I just wasn’t carrying enough pace to the hole.’’

 It wasn’t the greens. Woods played alongside first-day leader Stricker, who shot an 8-under 63 and looked like he was putting into an oil drum.

It was poor putting that cost Tiger the PGA a couple of weeks ago, and a blown 6-footer on 18 last Sunday cost him a playoff with Slocum at The Barclays.

But it wasn’t just the short game that bothered Woods at TPC Boston.

I felt terrible over any tee shot,’’ he said. “Didn’t matter what club it was, whether it was an iron on a par 3 or a drive or any hole. I didn’t feel great over any shot. It was one of those days.’’

Tiger’s frustration boiled over after an errant drive on the fifth hole, his 14th hole of the day. He chucked his driver into the tall grass and it took awhile to find the club. Something your boss or brother-in-law would do. These kind of demonstrations have marked Tiger’s major-less season.

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Love me, love my dog

How do I get my tiger oscars to eat at the top of the tank?

My small tiger oscars (2 and around 1-2 inches) like to be lazy and sit around and wait for the food to come to them. I'm feeding them pellets twice a day. How do I get them to eat when it's feeding time?

some oscars are different than others. Our big 7 inch ones will come right to the top practically coming right out of the water. We can also feed them from our hands because of this. I think they are still small, and really haven't developed the oscar personality yet. Keep feeding them pellets that float, and someday they might surprise you. Sometimes too if you turn the lights on the tank right before you feed them it can cause this behavior. Just wait and I am sure they will do the same for you. And for 2 oscars I would recommend eventually getting approx. a 100 gallon tank, they do grow into huge beasts.

With the heart of a tiger
Maggie Bernard was always a healthy student. A member of the outdoor track and cross country teams, she was in the best shape of her life prior to her junior year at Clemson. But soon after reporting to campus for pre-season training in August 2008, a routine physical revealed a lump in her neck.

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